Recently, hundreds of people answered the question online:
What is the best thing you have ever heard a child say?
The results are exactly what you would expect from someone who’s only lived on earth for a few years. Hilarious, awkward and so blunt! Here are the best of the responses:
1. A fart is just your poop turning to dust.
2. Me: What in the hell?
5yo son: Ummm, actually it’s pronounced ‘what in the world.’
3. Frustrated in traffic one day I declared “Geez, what a hassle!”
My 3 year old son: “Is that a bad word?
Me: “Hassle? No.”
Him: “Can I say it?
Him: “GEEZ! What a HASS-HOLE!”
4. 5yo: You’re old!
Me: I’m not that old. How old do you think I am?
5yo: The last number.
5. “Mummy! I can’t find me!”
– My 3yo daughter during a power outage.
6. My uncle took his son out to dinner one night, and they ran into my uncle’s boss. Uncle says to his son,
“Son, this is Daddy’s boss.”
The kid gets this look of absolute rage on his face and declares, “You’re not my Daddy’s boss! My Mommy’s my Daddy’s boss!”
7. After the usual machine gun style question and answer session with my five-year-old, my wife asked her why she asks so many questions. Her response: “Umm. Well, I don’t know anything.”
8. On a road trip with my friend and her six-year-old nephew, he was in the backseat talking. My friend said,
“Jake, who are you talking to?”
“Well, what are you talking about?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t listening.”
9. When told there was “no such thing as cars made of chocolate,” my son wistfully replied “If only there were no such thing as no such thing.”
10. I was observing an elementary school teacher and she asked her students if they had any questions for me. The first question I got was, “where exactly did you get your hair cut? Because my mom’s hair looks terrible.”
11. Boogers are poop from your nose, so I don’t eat them.
12. While driving home one day, my niece sighed and said, “I knew the dinosaurs would come and get me one day.
…There were two large cranes working on a bridge.
13. We teach our girls a word a day, when they were 2 and 4 the word of the day was “Obtuse.”
At daycare, the 4-year-old tells her teacher to come slide with her. Her teacher said that she wasn’t allowed to slide on the slide. My daughter responded, “Maybe if you weren’t so obtuse you could slide.”
I got a note sent home on that one.
14. In Jiu Jitsu last week, I had a 7 year old kid ask me, “What’s the point of learning to defend ourselves when we’re all just going to die anyway?”
15. In the car on the way to have his baby sister, my son heard his mom on her phone telling her parents that her water broke. After she hangs up he says,
“Mommy, your water broke?”
Mom: Yeah, honey…
*He reaches for the water bottle in his car seat cup holder.
Son: Here mommy, you can have mine.
16. My 5-year-old daughter was trying on her halloween costume.
Her: Daddy, what are you going to be for halloween?
Me: Surly and old.
Her: Oh. That’s what you were last year.
Know someone with a child who would appreciate this? Share it with them!