15 Ways Hogwarts Would Be Different If It Were In America

Harry Potter fans were recently asked: “How would a school for magic in the USA differ from Hogwarts?” Here are some of the best answers.

1. Everyone’s patronus would be an eagle.

2. It would be sponsored by Wizards of the Coast and Gatorade.

3. The nurses/healing spells would be privatized so only the upper-class students could afford to use them.

4. Avada Kedavra would be a constitutional right, but you can only use it if you pass a background check, and then only for self defense, or for hunting.

5. They wouldn’t teach defense against the dark arts, because “the only 100% defense against the dark arts is abstinence from all magic”.

6. Obviously the mail would be delivered by eagles.

7. Quidditch would be renamed and a new sport named Quidditch that has nothing to do with the original sport would be created and become the national game for the wizard school(s).

8. It would be under constant harassment from Christian fundamentalists.

9. You would need to take out massive loans to attend.

10. Students wouldn’t go shopping for their crap in some back alley marketplace; there would be a Mall of Wizardry with department stores. Or perhaps a Witch-Mart.

11. Care of Magical Creatures would cover Sasquatch and jackalopes.

12. Bigger portions of food at the banquets.

13. Protests demanding that everyone have the same looking Patronus so as not to make someone feel less important.

14. The school would be under a pervasive sense of surveillance, with a zero tolerance policy for illicit magic on the back of every student’s mind. You could get suspended just for pointing your finger in the shape of a wand; forget actually casting anything outside of the classroom. You think the administration would go 5 years completely ignoring the rise of radical Dark Lord fanatics? Anyone who even sneezed and it sounded like Voldemort would be ratted out by their peers and placed on a No Broomstick list.

15. Ron could not afford to go.

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