The Best Quotes From John Oliver’s Demolishing Takedown of Donald Trump
On Sunday night’s edition of Last Week Tonight, epic host John Oliver bravely took on Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump. The result was a 22 minute roast of immense proportions, ripping apart Trump’s campaign on each of his supposed selling points and even offering him some advice.
“Donald Trump is America’s back mole,” Oliver starts off. “It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it has gotten frighteningly bigger, it is no longer wise to ignore it.”
“Donald Trump can seem appealing until you take a closer look, much like the lunch buffet at a strip club, or the NFL or having a pet chimpanzee,” he added. “Sure it seems fun, but some day Coco is gonna tear your f***ing limbs off.”
Oliver attacks Trump’s claims that he always tells the truth, that he doesn’t have to answer to anyone, that he’s “tough” and that he’s a successful businessman.
Trump, says Oliver, is like a gold Sharpie — “something that gives the passing appearance of wealth, but is actually just a cheap tool.” You’ll realize why he makes this analogy soon.
Watch the epic takedown in the video below:
There’s Trump’s unimpressive business record, which Oliver notes have included the “very un-good” business failures of Trump Shuttle, Trump Vodka, Trump magazine, Trump World magazine, Trump University and “the travel-booking site GoTrump.com, whose brief existence was, I imagine, a real thorn in the side of anyone hoping GotRump.com featured a single thing worth masturbating to.”
Oliver shows a clip of Trump’s daughter, Ivanka Trump, from the documentary Born Rich, saying that her father once pointed to a homeless man and said he had “$8 billion more than me” due to Trump’s debt.
“And that really shows you the indomitable spirit of Donald Trump,” Oliver says. “To fall to his lowest point, and in that very moment, still find a way to be kind of a dick to a homeless guy.”
Also, referring to Trump’s recent refusal to criticize the KKK after their leader pledged to support Trump, Oliver says, “The point is, with an answer like that, you are either racist or you are pretending to be, and at some point, there is no difference there.”
To take Trump down a notch, Oliver suggests people need to hit the real-estate billionaire where it really hurts: his brand.
“The very name Trump is the cornerstone of his brand,” Oliver quips. “If only there were a way to uncouple that magical word from the man he really is.”
With that in mind, Oliver introduced a secret that Trump has been hiding from everyone – that his original family name is Drumpf. He set up a real online store with products that share his true name.
“Drumpf is much less magical. It’s the sound produced when a morbidly obese pigeon flies into the window of a foreclosed Old Navy,” Oliver quips. “Mr. Drumpf, I await your lawsuit in the morning.”
With that end, hashtag #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain has skyrocketed up Twitter’s trending ranking and people are becoming more aware of the truth behind Donald Trump.
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